5:38 p.m. - 05.09.05
I DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH MY DIARY. TELL ANDREW TO FUCKING FIX IT ALREADY!!
Mother�s day, I don�t know whether to be glad it�s over or wish for just one more hour of funny why my grandmother [Nana] is insane stories. We spent the day with my other grandmother [NeeNee a.k.a. not crazy] at her assisted living community. They were having a brunch for family members. It was really nice if you chose not to eat anything except the cheese and fruit they had sitting out as an appetizer. The actual meal consisted of a choice between Chicken Cordon bleck and Fried shrimp. I chose the chicken because I am a brave soul but as soon as I cut into it and saw the pinkish hue I decided to just stick to the salad so generously drenched in Thousand Island dressing [I like, but this was not so much thousand island as it was a small child�s vomit after eating 14 bowls of fruity pebbles]. I also ate the baked potato and the squash cooked within an inch of its yellow pathetic life. But really it�s hard to eat food in a room full of old people anyway. You have to get a mantra going. �Only look at your plate, don�t watch the old people, stare at Squishy, oh God why did I look up.� I did get some really great crazy Nana stories. Like the time she shot her 2nd husband during a fight. Or the time she threatened suicide because he was thinking of backing out of the marriage, then when they finally did get married they took separate honeymoons. But more importantly she shot the motherfucker. Okay so it was only a flesh wound and not nearly as awesome if she had, say punctured an important organ but having someone crazy enough to shoot you if you piss them off in the family is enough for me. He died a year later in a �tractor accident�, uh huh sure he did I don�t buy that for one measly second. Squishy gave me a bag of lotion and my mom gave me her gas card as presents. Thank you very much best gift I could have gotten.

I have a seriously hard time wanting to purchase a product called Nads. Regardless if it is the best no heat hair removing product in the universe and hails from my future arranged marriage hubby�s home Australia. The name makes me cringe. So does that long run on sentence up there but I don�t feel like fixing it.

By the way it's Lost Sock Memorial Day you can click there to find out more about it.

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