1:33 p.m. - 04.22.05
FECK OFF, CUP!
I wonder if my I.P. address has been flagged since I spent a good amount of time hanging out on the NAMBLA site yesterday.

I can�t even begin to describe the terror of last night. Right now it�s water bug season [probably some kind of beetle] and they have decided that the screen door on my house is the perfect place to hang out. Occasionally one gets in and makes me cry. Last night there was one upside down on the tile by the front door just kicking it�s legs and if it could have been I imagine screaming profanities at the cat for putting it in that situation. I was too freaked out to squish it or pick it up or anything because I�m textbook girl and hate bugs [sorry Gil, I�m sure he would have picked it up and explained to me the importance of insects in nature and how wonderful and great they were but since he was no were to be found I was just left with scared]. So I left it and went to bed. No sooner do I turn out my lights but there is this horrible sound coming from the window. Much like a winged demon trying to beat its way in or in this case I�m assuming out. I�m almost too afraid to turn the lights on because sometimes not knowing is better than knowing. I couldn�t sleep with that racket though so I did finally turn the light on. I couldn�t see anything and I was too afraid to go any closer without reinforcements and luckily one of the cats [bug killer and frankenfoot extraordinaire] was hanging out by my door so I let her in. She runs directly to the window and I hear a small scuffle. I am hiding out in the computer room while this is taking place. I hear a small yell of victory and the jingle of her collar so I assume the coast is clear. I go get a bottle of water from the entry [because we are too lazy to actually place the water in the refrigerator three steps away] and accidentally step on the upside down profanity screaming water bug. Luckily I had shoes on because it made the most disgusting crunch I�ve ever heard. It wasn�t a satisfying crunch like when you run over a neighbor kids toy and then laugh as they run home crying. No it was an oh my fucking God I�m going to vomit now crunch. I went back to my room shaken and nauseas and closed the door thinking the worst was over. I felt a little braver so I had a look behind the blinds and failed to see anything. Frankenfoot was sitting outside my door screaming so I opened the door a crack and she took up post right by the window until I fell asleep. I promise never to say another bad thing about that kitty ever. She is my bug protector. I did have a hard time sleeping though and scrunched as far over to the other side of the bed as possible. It was hot in my room but I covered every inch of exposed skin anyway just in case it decided to land on my foot and make me piss myself in the middle of the night. I�m already in the bed wetting program via Walmarts wall of pamphlets. Shhh lets keep that between us.

I have to wait for tonight to get the last of the pictures so they will be in Monday�s entry.

Biodtl asked:
What are your thoughts on the privacy of online journals - some people think that if you come across a journal of someone you know, you should stay away out of respect for their privacy. Others feel that if it's out there to see, its fair game. Where do you stand on this issue?
I do think its fair game. In fact I wish more of my friends read my diary. Now I don�t want my parents reading it and that�s why I go to great lengths to ensure their ignorance on the matter. And except for that little incident with my father not too long ago where I accidentally mentioned that I kept a blog and then had to go make the book review one I�ve done a good job. I think if you put it on the web then you should take responsibility for the consequences of pissing off your friends. Of course I think your friends/family that read it should realize it�s a place for you to vent and of course you don�t always hate them otherwise why would you continue talking to them. If they don�t want to know then they shouldn�t read. Of course I hope I never find someone�s journal where they write all about how much they hate me. Unless something is really bothering me I wouldn�t put it in here, it�s a way to release those feelings that otherwise just stay pent up. I was a lot angrier before I started this. I haven�t needed the rage medication in a while.

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