4:20 p.m. - 08.20.04
PHALLIC VEGETABLES...PORK AND SOME OTHER STUFF THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE

Last night we closed on the house. As we were leaving to go get brooms and cleaning supplies I realized that I had locked my keys in the car. We called the police and they came out to see if they could get it open. The really good looking police officer looked at me like I was a moron as he tried for 45 minutes to slim jim that sucker open. Didn�t work. We had to call the wrecker service the police use to come and get it. Jeff the guy that did it was apparently quite impressed with me and Jenni and invited himself to our house warming party. Well at least we know that if someone locks their keys in their car that night we have a real life professional door opener. I think I called everyone in my phone. Some people were WAY nicer then others.

I did finally get my wine. While enjoying a picnic on the floor of the living room. Subway and Chenin Blanc.

I�ve been really slacking off changing my calendar. Not nearly enough pictures of Alan Rickman as the formidable Potions Master Snape. I don�t need to see 34 pictures of the Hogwarts Express. Jesus Margaret. Wednesday I took an electronic blood oath to do no work. It has apparently carried over into today because besides paying one bill I�ve done jack. Yeah! Work like sucks and stuff.

Dust is assaulting my lungs and slowly encouraging my eyes to retreat from their sockets. You must Cease and desist. MMMM MMMM MIGRAINE!

Smells I have smelled in or around my office the past week:

• Daycare*
• Urine by the elevator
• Urine by this guys desk though it may have been popcorn that just smelled really nasty
• Curry
• Armpit
• My orgasmic Herbal Essence as I whip my head around like some kind of slut
• Gummi Bears

* You know what I�m talking about if you�ve ever been in one. They all have this distinct smell. Like cleaning fluids and pork and beans.

I�m obsessed with pork today. Pork products�getting porked. Yeah�OH AND Phallic foods. There are not enough of them. Holy pork! The word phallic makes me giggle like a virgin.

Paul:Pork Vs. Cucumber

Elizabeth: damn you

Paul:its all food

Paul:I mean, its all good...

Elizabeth:haha

Elizabeth:mmm phallic food

Paul:I figured the carrots just don't have enough in them

Elizabeth:carrots schmarrots

Elizabeth:Cucumber all the way

Paul:LOL

Elizabeth:I just choked on my dr. pepper

Paul:sorry

Elizabeth:it went a little something like this *short breath hack* *long breath hack*

Elizabeth:then I started laughing

Elizabeth:and then I sneezed

Paul:LOL

Paul:so, pork has been replaced?

Elizabeth:no pork shouldn't be replaced

Elizabeth:they should have an entire musical dedicated to pork

Elizabeth:and phallic vegetables

Elizabeth:I can't believe I never thought of it before

Paul:Thumb wars, step aside

Elizabeth:exactly

Elizabeth:when I say that in my head I say it like this: exacticaly

Elizabeth:Holy Pork!

Paul:LOL

Paul:there is at least one hole

Elizabeth:haha porkalicious

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