3:58 p.m. - 07.09.04
I had something really good but I fucking forgot it.

Remember when Nickelodeon had good shows? They had Pete and Pete and Salute Your Shorts. Now they�ve got Romeo and Brothers Garcia, two incredibly unentertaining shows. I will say Sponge Bob and Jimmy Neutron are cool shows. But that�s about where I draw the line, at least until the reruns start then its Full House, The Cosby Show, and Roseanne. Have Mercy�its okay to think Uncle Jesse is hot right? I�m having a torrid affair with John Goodman. SSSHH Don�t tell Roseanne!

Well okay maybe not died but fucked me and Scott up pretty bad. I need to pay more attention while driving. We went to lunch with Julissa and Paul which ended up being a ton of fun (more on that later). As we were about to turn to get on the highway I stopped looking at the road and almost plowed into the back of a Taurus. Luckily I have good breaks. I was probably a ruler�s length away from that car. What an ugly combo. Taurus and Montero. A Tauntero.

We went to Jason�s Deli for lunch and that was good. Normally every Friday I go with Julissa and Paul somewhere to eat. This time Scott came with me. It was a lot of fun. Scott cracks me up.

Me: "I assume this is the only decent record store in town?"

Him: "Yeah. There's the CD store in the mall, but..."

Me: "Yeah, I know what you mean. Not very interesting there."

Him: "And there's one downtown, but that's really just for the colored people."

RIIIIIIIIIGHT�Okay.

Everyone is going crazy at my work. They are rolling out this new blah blah and a bunch of other stuff I don�t understand. I�m a glorified secretary. Or as the douche bag on the phone earlier today "Oh she�s just the receptionist". Fuck you I don�t just answer phones. So when people call my boss and he�s not in his office they try to get the answers out of me. The choad I mentioned earlier was trying to get me to shut down some system so he could update it and materials wouldn�t be lost. Well that�s all fine and dandy Forest Gump but I�m an ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT and I have no idea what systems you�re talking about. I handle contact lists and new hires. I buy candy and chat up people that come for meetings. I order new supplies and send e-mails. So unless you need toner or a 2:00 appointment I can�t help ya. Oh wait 2:00 won�t work come back tomorrow. I do not have copious amounts of time to sit around listening to you blabber on about things I can�t and won�t help you with.

So I transfer him to my boss�s cell phone because Mr. Boss Man is MIA. He calls back 4 seconds later telling me the phone just rang and he didn�t pick up. Uh�huh? Wha? MotherF�er. This is why you wait for it. I know he didn�t let it ring the whole way. If he had you wouldn�t be calling me back. So he calls back and my boss hasn�t magically appeared in those 4 seconds so I tell him I can give him boss�s pager number or another person on the teams number so of course he takes me up on it but tells me I need to stay on the phone �Just in case�. Fuck you�re just in case I�ve got places to go. He calls them I stand there bored listening to senor smart start dialing another phone and talking to someone else. Now I can�t stop sneezing because it seems I�m allergic to assholes who take up my time with their pointless bullshit.

Finally my boss walked up trail mix in one hand and a cut butt pucker look on his face. Great. Just what I need. He hasn�t slept in 48 hours and he�s running around freaking out about everything. Yesterday he punched his desk. Good thing tomorrow is Saturday because I�m the closest one to his office. He�ll probably punch me next.

Expedite- Everything cannot be expedited and your cell phone minutes are one of those.

Photo Opportunity- Ummm� Absofuckinglutely not.

They are having a said Photo Opportunity at work today. Ridiculous if I do say so myself. I received an e-mail about it today. On a Friday�casual day. Right well you have fun with that I will not be partaking.

E-mail
"To IT Employees :
On Friday, July 9, *** Public Affairs will have a film crew at blah blah location, shooting footage for VP�s quarterly broadcast. At 12:00 pm employees are asked to gather in front of the building for a group picture that will be used during the broadcast�"

I�d like to see how many people they actually convinced to do this. Too bad I was at lunch not having a shitty time.

I was outside with Scott and this woman had a tan so deep I swear I heard an aloe plant screaming. Why do people do that to themselves? It doesn�t look good.

Dear Tina Too Tan-

Stop now for God�s sake. You look like a pair of shoes. And not even nice shoes. Ugly brown shoes that have gone out of style and you�re going to be throwing out soon. What�s with the hair by the way? I mean WTF? Good luck changing.

Thanks a ton!

Elizabeth

Scott had a dream that I was sent to Federal pound me in the ass prison for trying to start a Jihad via my diary. FBI comes busting in to my work after listening in on my phone conversations and then I take Scott and Mr. Boss man down with me. Hahaha�If I�m going down I�m sure as hell taking someone with me. I sure have been talking about Scott a lot lately.

previous - next