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9:25 p.m. - 03.18.04
Who really even cares.............
Okay so today was just a really shitty day. Jenni's upset with me about last night and yeah we did have plans but of all the time I've spent with her I would have thought that missing one thing would have been trivial. What upsets me about the whole thing is how she refused to just tell me directly that it upset her. Instead just made small talk and proceeded to make me feel uncomfortable. I think I've been a really good friend to her. I know we haven't known each other that long but hell I see her more than I see my own daughter. I'm always available to hang out with her and I thought we had a good time. Who knows if she feels the same way. DOesn't seem like she's telling me much. I understand that she doesn't like Wade and that's fine. The whole point of my conversation with him yesterday was how little time I do spend with him..Maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks I'll see him for an hour or so. But I can't be expected to hold the same grudges she does, Yes Wade is a complete asshole to her, he'll be the first to admit it. That has nothing to do with me though. I don't want to be in the middle of their fight. But I still listen to her, and I listen to him. I would never tell her I just didn't want to hear about it. I thought thats what friends did. Even if they could care less they still let their friends talk. And that hurts my feelings that she would say she doesn't want to hear about it from me. I think I've been damn good about listening to her. Does that mean I don't deserve the same respect? I feel bad that she's upset and I don't want her to be. I tried to make it up to her but I guess my efforts weren't good enough. I don't know what else I can do. Tomorrow is the Clay Aiken concert. Who knows whats going to happen with that. I don't even know if she is speaking to me now. Her and Michael were hanging out shooting the shit and after having one of the worst days I've ever had at this job today I really just wanted to be around people that wanted to be around me. Wasn't feeling that from them so I left. Tried to come back but still felt like my presence was unwanted so I just came home to spend time with Grace since I'm not supposed to be at home tomorrow night. Today just fucking sucks. Maybe I'll get lucky and I won't wake up tomorrow.

 

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