6:06 p.m. - 05.24.05
SPIDERS AAHH
When my brother called me this morning and offered me $50 to clean a house his company had built I thought aww how sweet. Now I realize that fucker was paying me back for the hell I apparently caused when we were growing up. It was so hot in there I thought I would die at least 4 times before I finished. I had to vacuum [least favorite thing to do EVER] and dust. Dusting was not a problem, surprisingly little dust, but the carpets were new so I figured it would be an easy vacuum. Right well I was wrong; my mom wouldn�t let me take the Dyson for a spin because she�s evil so I was stuck with this behemoth vacuum which was luckily self propelled but had a small version of a jet engine attached to it. Tim Taylor get the fuck out of my garage. You�d think that would make it easier but trying to make nice little vacuum lines while it�s trying to suck your foot into its turning wheels of death isn�t so much fun. Oh well, I got it cleaned. Let�s hope that it�s good enough. I�m not totally sure why he had me do it now when the house isn�t completely finished but who am I to turn [Word has decided to use the force while spell checking and change �who am I to turn� into: I to into am, right well I wish that made sense] down money. Of course now my mother thinks that was a swell idea and she�s having me clean her house tomorrow. If she only knew what my room looked like at my own house. Oh the best part? That was when the giant spider came at me and tried to lay eggs in my cheek. Call it an urban legend if you will, this fucker was serious. I have painted you a picture of my experience. I�m not so good with the mouse so it�s not quite exactly what I saw, but it�s pretty damn close.

Oh and he was actually brown but the glowing red eyes and hot pink venom looked way better on a black spider.

In all seriousness though, it wouldn�t have been so bad if there had been some air conditioning in the house. 100 degrees outside and one fan does not a cool house make. What the fuck? Did I just type that sentence like that? I�m losing my damn mind. One fan�what kind of crazy shyte is that? We are in Texas douchebrain. I�ve got a call to make.

Now I�m going to pop some happy pills and watch TV.

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