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6:01 p.m. - 09.16.04
FINALLY AND I DIDN'T BLOW UP IN THE PROCESS

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My internet is down at work so I don�t even know if I�m going to get to post this today. I write all my entries into word before I do it because I make silly errors that I�m sure no one wants to see. It was working fine all morning but this afternoon it decided to just stop. It�s all pretty shiesty to me.

I�m falling asleep at my cotton-pickin desk. Head lolling over to the side, drool you know all the really fun and attractive stuff. I don�t want to do anything but go home. I don�t even really care that my internet doesn�t work. Just get me the hell out of here before I completely collapse.

How I Could Become a Darwin Award Winner

Okay so last night I went and got gas for the mower since Michael is supposed to do it today. Well being the GENIUS I am I decided that I really wanted to see what color it was so I lift the nozzle out of the container and proceed to spill it all over my feet. With the nice open wound on the top of my foot that I had previously gotten from the shoes I wore earlier. If that wasn�t enough I left the gas in my car while I wenttodnsetti (I totally just fell asleep at my desk for a few minutes) so yeah I left the gas in my car overnight and then again this morning I forgot to take it out so my entire car smells like gas fumes. Now I�ve always been one of those weird people that enjoys the smell of gasoline but driving in the car with the gasoline smell radiating off everything has made me nauseas the several times I�ve been in my car today. Anyway so if I kill myself by accidentally setting off some kind of explosion while on the highway today well it was nice writing in here while it lasted.

Well Isn�t that Special

I never make friends at a job when it�s special days for me. Example my birthday the last 4 years I�ve had a job. No friends until several months after the day is over. Just once I�d like a cake that said Happy Birthday Elizabeth. I brought stuff up myself on my birthday and my boss didn�t even acknowledge it. Yeah he�s kind of a bastard. Anyone wants his phone number to yell at him just let me know. Cell, home, work, whatever I got it all. What brought this on you ask? Another executive assistant�s birthday is today and they are doing a cake for her. Well FINE. I should get a cake just for being me.

In something entirely related yet not this woman got flowers today at work, two feckin dozen roses. While I�m not a huge fan of the red rose�s thing it was mildly depressing that I, yet again, got nothing.

[Expletive Deleted]

Still no motherfucking internet. I swear you want me to die of boredom completely don�t you? Bah. So. Bored. Wanna. Die. I�m listening to this awesome trance music but unfortunately it�s not on a disk, it�s just saved to my computer here at work (which doesn�t have a cd burner�I mean what�s up with that? I can�t properly goof off without one. I need to contact management) I have to listen to it turned down really low since my headphones have gone M.I.A. Yeah I know it was you Stuart McGee and I want them back ASAP. I don�t know the name of this band. Damn it must find out. I�m leaving at 4:30�I think.

Crazy Mofo�s

Okay in my office you have to have a badge to get from place to place. If you don�t they kick you right out of the building (at least they say they do). These people have been coming over to our building and �squatting� as they like to put it here and it�s causing all these problems. I keep getting phone calls and e-mails regarding this and while humorous to tell someone �I�m sorry but you gots to go� is, I�m also incredibly sick of having this one guy in particular come to my desk every 2 hours or so to chitty chat about the how stupid the rules are. I don�t make them dot head you deal with it on your own time. I got shit to do that doesn�t involve you. (Damn I�m just rhyming all over the fucking place today). DAMN YOU INTERNET WORK ALREADY.

Why the People I Work With Are Disgusting

No less than twice a day I�ll walk by someone�s desk where you just KNOW that they pissed in their trash can. There is no way it could smell like that without them having done it. I mean really the bathrooms not that far away and even if you DIDN�T piss in your trashcan you�ve got hygiene issues that need to be addressed if you smell like that. I should never smell that unless I�m at a seedy joint meeting my�well another story for another time. Second thing that grossed me the fuck out today: In the women�s restroom I have a particular stall that I favor. I don�t really think that�s odd I�m sure everyone does when they have to go to the same place everyday and eventually use the restroom. Well someone had occupied my normal one so I went into the very first stall. BIG mistake. Either someone was murdered in there or someone has yet again some serious mother fucking hygiene issues where they think it would be alright to wipe their blood on the wall. It was in such a place where it couldn�t happen naturally. So I�m already seated and mid pee when I notice it so it�s a little late to get up and move stalls. The woman that was using my preferred toilet finishes and leaves WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS. Yet again one more reason the people I work with are disgusting. If I smell anything gross today (this includes you Mr. Douse yourself in Patchouli) I will not hesitate to inform you of it immediately.

No Internet Update

As if you weren�t already tired of me bitching about it. Apparently one of the 32 computers that are located on my network, hub, whatever the hell is infected with a virus and they have shut everyone�s access down until the computer housing it has been found. WONDERFUL. I hope it�s not mine. So I went in a deleted all my cookies and files and I�ve run Ad-Aware like 3 times and Norton just to be on the safe side. If it is my computer I don�t exactly want them seeing my history. Harry Potter WHO? After 19 minutes of scanning NO Viruses found.

This birthday cake is alright. Not as good as he normally gets. Oh well Orange piping I�m down with that and its sugar and hopefully will keep me awake enough to get to my house in time to fall asleep. I had planned to cook dinner again tonight (last night I made baked ziti *see Elizabeth is turning into Mrs. Domestic) but then I forgot I was supposed to go to dinner with my dad and Michael is supposed to come over and mow my lawn. Crap. I make all these plans for the same damn night. When all I really want to do is go to sleep and not do a damn thing.

BRRR while trying to get a piece of ice (okay 5 pieces of ice) in my mouth I dropped one down my shirt. My cleavage is nice and chilly now. I�m way too lazy and uninterested to actually try and get it out. It�s refreshing. I�m not particularly fond of the ice I�m eating currently. I like the round ones that have holes in the middle or the really small pieces you get from like sonic. These are the large square flat ones while still chewable don�t always fulfill my ice chewing craving. I�ve noticed when I get a glass of ice from the cafeteria, before I add my drink I have to eat at least two pieces. I really didn�t notice I did that until today but it�s true�I do.

I kind of seriously doubt the internet will be back up before I leave in 15 minutes so I�ll be e-mailing this to myself (company e-mail apparently doesn�t need internet�one more thing I don�t understand about technology) at home and I�ll post it from there. Ad-Aware makes a weird farty noise when it�s done scanning. I don�t know if I like that too much. I�ve never seen the hilarity in body functions.

Every time someone IM�s me from our work instant message service Alan Rickman yells �OH RIGHT, IT�S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU ISN�T IT�. Which is sadly accurate in regards to the schmucks I work with. Time to go home and get the gas taken out of the car, I hope I didn�t blow myself up and you actually are reading this.

 

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