12:14 p.m. - 04.05.04
Gamut of moods
So this weekend wasn�t complete shit. In fact it was great! I got to hang out with Jennifer, something I haven�t done in forever and I truly enjoyed it. Friday night Matt grilled hamburgers and we sat around talking and watching people act stupid, get hurt, and freak out over silly things on the television. We decided s�mores would be a good idea so Jennifer and I ran up to the store and got all the stuff. It was just so much fun and we really didn�t do anything except sit around and talk. On Saturday, Grace had a birthday party so we went to that. It was a lot of fun actually. They got to make real tea and use tongs to get sugar cubes. They were all dressed up in frilly party dresses and it was super cute! Saturday evening we went back to Jennifer�s house and watched Titanic while Grace and Jylian played. I swear I feel like such a mother when I hang out with her. It�s great. I really envy her and Matt�s relationship, because while they fight about stuff, when it comes down to it they are best friends and she�s even told me that when she gets mad at him as soon as she sees him it�s all gone. She can�t be mad when he�s around because they just have so much fun together. I think that�s very cool! Sunday, we skipped out on church and instead just relaxed at home. I went to Jenni�s last night to watch Without a Trace and bring her some dinner since she�s gimped out and can�t really do anything. I love that show. Then we watched the 10 Commandments for a while and then I booked it home since my grandmother was spending the night and my dad leaves for Kuwait on Tuesday. Got a little family time in then headed off to bed which didn�t happen till about 1am. Grace was wide awake running all over the place. I put in Jem and the Holograms and tried to get some sleep through that but she just jumped all over me. Oh well�she�s cute it�s excusable. I know I set my clock last night but I guess I slept right through the alarm this morning because I woke up about the time I was supposed to be walking out the door. Oh well as long as I make it to work before the boss man does I don�t care.

Sometimes people can be such jerks. Take my boss for example. There is this guy that called in today, because he wasn�t feeling well. Minh calls him and tells him oh that�s sad but I need your help so you just work from home. What a jerk! Then I�m just sitting here making idle conversation with Paul and I ask him how his weekend was�blah blah blah fine. Then nothing� I don�t know if it�s just me but when someone asks me how my weekend was even if I could give a rats ass about it I still ask how theirs was. Whatever I don�t know why I�m pissed off about it. Well I guess I do. I mean if my boss who hates me can do it why shouldn�t one of my friends? Oh well it�s not worth it. I�m super bored right now. I know there has got to be some work to do but I just don�t want to do it. I have no one to talk to. I need more friends that like to actually hold conversations with me and you know have no lives and want to just sit on the computer all day and entertain. I went downstairs this morning with this guy that works here so he could vent about how Verizon treats him like crap. It was quite fun actually. I really enjoy listening to other people talk about their problems. Maybe for totally selfish reasons like it makes me feel better about my own life, but I think I�ll stick with because I like to be the kind of person people can turn to if they need help or need to vent. Only problem with that is not having anyone to vent to myself because everyone is so used to venting to me they think that I don�t have any problems of my own. Though I do have a tendency to vent to Paul for some reason, not sure why I just end up doing it. I�ll have to work on that one.

I belong to an Alan Rickman group through Yahoo. It�s sad but I am a true geek. I don�t know what that has to do with anything just thought I�d throw it out there.

I hate it when people yell into their phones. Unless the other person is standing in the middle of the freeway I really don�t see the point.

I also hate it when people are on a speakerphone and they yell. Technology has advanced enough that you don�t need to scream into the phone to be heard.

I hate it when people stand at my desk and just stare at me waiting. You showed up at my desk smarty, speak your piece.

I hate that I have no will power when it comes to buying things. I�m trying to save money to buy a computer and I always spend it on stupid crap I don�t need.

I hate that my parents say they are poor yet they just went out and bought a new RV because apparently the other one that�s not even a year old yet wasn�t good enough.

I hate that my parents give me crappy gifts even though they know exactly what I want and my brother who has given them nothing but grief gets all kinds of cool stuff.

I hate that paranoid feeling you get when you haven�t talked to anyone in a couple hours. Does everyone hate me?? Are they off talking shit about me behind my back?

I hate that I care.

I hate how much I hate this job that I�m lucky to even have.

I hate how every career I could possibly want involves me ending up poor.

I hate that society makes me feel I should be dependant on a man. I don�t care what anyone says it still says that. But I also hate how I want to be and how I�m so afraid I never will be.

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